State of Mind...Stale

Soooooo.... about the NO SWEETS thing: Literally, I've only had one strike (remember the sample instinct?). But in my heart, I haven't been as hard core as I could have been. I was required to eat a snickerdoodle cookie in my foods class--I was not, however, required to eat the cookie dough...but I did. I could have resisted eating the chocolate cake at a dinner party (but my mother convinced me it was a special occasion! I blame her. I don't even care about chocolate). My mom's birthday was a special occasion, but I could have skipped out on the second party I went to--especially since the birthday girl didn't even get a piece ;(~ Then we had another celebration at our house and I stuffed myself with a sinfully, delicious lemon/vanilla quadruple layered cake.

BUT my father doesn't seem to take this deal too strictly either! He was going to let me eat graham cracker cookies. "They're crackers." he said. I just shook my head. If he would excuse something like that, I don't feel so terrible...but I wonder what he's allowed himself to eat.

But hey, I've lost about two pounds! I didn't even expect that.

Now about the FOCUS thing: ...yeeeeeaaaaa...no success so far. Progress is really, really...really stale. I'm more challenged than I thought. What I need is a reminder to focus. I just forget to try and fight it and by the time I remember, it's too late--I've missed the story. So, I'm still working on that.

Sorry about all the bold and italics...and "dot-dot-dots".

But not too sorry because I feel they add emphasis and emotion. It loosely represents my state of mind.

Well, I'm off to accomplish!
MaMo

I Feel Some OCD Coming On...

THE LIST update

Task # 67: Keep room clean for 3 straight weeks

So...my room...I'll confess: for a period, the state of my room slipped a little. End of term and a mythology project sort of spread itself throughout my living quarters. Yesterday, I finished the mosaic and turned it in--closed that stage of my life. So I got home, turned to my room and dove in. You could still see the floor, but suddenly, that wasn't enough. There was clutter, and I didn't like it. I became a little...possessed? No--obsessed? Let's say focused. I worked diligently--yea. I cleared cluttered surfaces, organized the contents of--certain drawers, hung up clothes, and vacuumed (I do love that invention). As I was leaving my room, I saw that part of my desk was coated with grey specks. Dust. I hate that stuff. It just takes ownership of what isn't theirs. Rude.

So, you know what I did? I grabbed a sock I had found earlier that didn't have a match as I was organizing my--anyway, I grabbed the sock and wiped that grey away.

About two hours later (guesstimate. I actually lost track of time. I don't know when I started, but next thing I knew, it was 10pm) I stood back from my work and smiled triumphantly. I actually put my hands on my hips like a victorious superhero. It's weird, but I've realized, I have terrible focusing skills. But I become extremely focused when I clean my room. More than in almost any activity. I guess because it's my own room--I have control. Control...in psychology I learned that that's part of the drive behind those with OCD. Control, and guilt...I guess I need to assess myself and see if I'm guilty of anything.

Anyway, about focus: My family reads scriptures and prays every night, right? I'm great at that stuff...mostly. I pray a lot (because I need it), and I love to do it--on my own. Same thing with reading. But for some reason, when I get with my family, as soon as someone starts talking, I tilt my head, look at the ceiling, and think, "I should take AnnaJo to the movies. I want something sweet to eat. My feet are cold. Dogs." It's incredible. I never see it coming either. All I know, when I come to, is that I can't recall what was said seconds earlier and I don't know what the subject is...sometimes I don't know where I am for a moment.

So now I have two Random Tasks to accomplish:

Operation Foucs: pay attention to every single word at a family gathering.

Operation Power: this pertains to a specific individual in the family. I want to get closer to them before I leave the house. Maybe then I'll have more influencing power (as they would say on Sims 3). Not that that's what I'm going for! Love comes first...power second.

I am off to accomplish,

Dory

The Insidious Free Sample Instinct

Random Task--Operation Sweet Tooth:

No sweets for a month.

This did not make it on The LIST, but on New Year's Adam (day before new years eve) my dad announced he wasn't eating sweets in January (except for special occasions like mamma's birthday). I challenged him on that. So I've been pretty good. I have an advantage because I don't even like chocolate much so there is less of a temptation in that area. Buuuut...

Strike One: I was in Macy's and they had samples. It's a natural instinct to take some, right? It's food. And it's free. They had pretty pink cookies (rasberry) with white chocolate chips--Now white chocolate I like. So I put it in my mouth. Yummy. I purchase my item and reach for another on my way out and I'm thinking, "Man, this is really sweet!...sweet...sugar...oops." As soon as I realized my mistake I spit it out.

So..I think we'll do the "three strikes and you're out" rule because I really would have felt pathetic giving up on the fourth day of the month.

THE LIST update

Task # 57: Throw a successful huge party
CHECK! 12/29/09:

So the party was...successful. Got 'er done. There were people, there was food, nobody died or got arrested. Not the bash of the year, but it wasn't bad. I won't be the last though, I'm sure.

Task # 41: Be completely silent for one day
...on hold. I didn't do it when I wanted and now the timing just isn't right, with end of the term and all. My sister tried it and lasted till 1pm. She was doing so well. Then, when I'm sitting right behind her, she wants my attention and lets, "Camlyn!" slip. Ha! Quick sudden failure...

Task # 67: Keep my room clean for 3 straight weeks
In progress. Week one is almost over and you can see the floor of my room, and that's good for me. I'll straighten it up more, but so far my goal of a clean room is still in gear. I think I'll crack down harder on myself with each week. It really feels nice. Yesterday, I had the luxury of laying--full length--across my bed doing homework. No inhabitation from piles of clothes. It was refreshing.