Ifs can come true.

Sometimes I've been asked, "What's you're favorite scripture?" Which is ridiculous... But IF I had one, Galatians 2:20 would be pretty close. Pretty darn.
I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.

Really!?...I mean really now

So I was talking with some women from my apartment complex and mentioned how I'm a feminist. I mean, I don't have t-shirts or think about it all the time, but I believe we are just as powerful as men and I expect a lot (if not more) of us.
One girl in the room said, "Really? Your a feminist? That's funny. I'm not. I think everything we do we suck at. Men are just better at stuff. Sports, teaching, business... We women fail at everything. Men are better at everything. I know, it's sad, but it's true."


Oh. OoooH. Oho-HO! I wish you had been there. The rest of us girls in the room at first didn't know what to say. Literally, Carly said, "I don't even know what to say to that."

After resetting my jaw and processing her words, I said a few things like, "Well you know behind every great man is a great(er) woman. And I understand what you're saying, but I think a lot of the successes and things we DO accomplish aren't widely known or publicized. When we fail, it's expected or heralded. When we succeed, nobody hears about it..."

She didn't say much or really consider what I said. She just kept her eyes down, shrugged and restated her senseless, immature position.

Shortly after of course, I was still thinking about it, "Hey, what was she saying about ME? I don't suck! And if she really believes that, why doesn't she just drop out of school and let a man do everything for her!?" 

...Food for thought

Back from the dead

(Imagine silence. And theeeeeen...)

Hello.

Yea, I know it's been a while. I feel even worse that the memory I left of myself seemed busy, hurried, stressed, and considerably less than chipper.  But you know, after about 36 hours of college life, it was all pretty much up hill. Seriously, things were/are great. That's why you didn't hear from me (for you know that most of us--sorry, you're right. I shouldn't point at you--I really don't take time to talk or write unless I have something to complain about)

But no more!

I'm back, considerably chipper and feeling random...

"Extra virgin olive oil" 

Extra virgin?

... Really fellas?

* * *

"So what made you come back?"

Well lemme tell ya

Remember how I get inspired really easily? Seriously, if I could get my body to act half as fast as it takes my spirit to get inspired . . . I'd be a goddess by now. 

Anyway, so remember that? Well, the other day I was reading my friends' blogs (which I follow), and I was just really impressed and wanted to write to... get out. 

Write to get out? 

Hm...yes

Aaaaaand because I lost my journal, I'm here for the time being. 

"For the time being." You know, now that I look at it, that phrase doesn't seem to fit into itself. 

Yup...the random is back

feels good

MaMo

Old Maid Scraping By

Random Thought: I bet at one point in their lives, old maids who hide in their house were once quite social. I'm sure, deep deep in their past, they were the life of the party, the town friend, "everybodyknowser." Maybe all that pressure and excitement tired her out. And then maybe she had to get ready to move - just a block away. And maybe she tried to be a part of both worlds, the old and the new. And perhaps she couldn't see the bridge between the two. Maybe, perhaps, that's when she lost it. Maybe one day she suddenly felt confused about her priorities, capabilities, and responsibilities. Maybe she just felt like she needed to be home for a bit. That was her safe place. And then maybe when it was finally time to move, she didn't want to. Even when the doorbell or the phone rang, she just didn't want to. Don't ask me how I know this.

I just know it's true.

So yea, it's been a while since my last post and I haven't even looked at my list. It's a humorous tragedy that sometimes we get so caught up in the perceived "have tos" in life that we forget to live.

I've become a college student. And so begins the knowledge of "scraping by" and not just with money or food. I'm honestly going by on a whim. Nothing feels secure at the moment. You see, part of the deal is that I became overwhelmed with the choices of housing and financial aid... so I didn't do anything.

Let me spell that out: S...T...U...P...I...D

So now I missed out on the cheapest housing available because I didn't look in the right place even though it was presented to me. But hey, financially, I may survive... What worries me is the "may." Awh, I hate what money does to us. It's gotten me all frightened. On top of all the homework, forgetting projects, and the slip of social life, I truly have learned a few lessons.

College Knowledge

1. know your options

2. Meet people. Everyone. Everywhere.

3. Don't get so caught up on the little things that you forget about the biguns.

4. Your teachers can be cool. And if they aren't, just act like they are.

5. Unless you lock yourself away and ignore all sound, there's no way you'll get things done at home. On campus is really the best place.

6. Who said you can't have bag lunches in college? It may be nerdy but nerds are smart $$$$

7. And unless you really cling, unless you give your life to keep it alive... high school dies. Fast and easy.

But is there anything you get to keep? What would I pay to hold on to...

Driving Sexy Wishes...on the Sea?

"Your senior wish has been granted! :)"

So I'm in class and a Student Council student comes in and whispers to the teacher. I know it's coming. I turn and see my prom date peeking in the door window. Permission is granted and suddenly, four singing guys burst into the room and surround my desk. They make indian "odlodlodl" sounds (I don't know how else to spell it). And they sing a little ditty!!! Sure the smoothie they delivered took three hours to unfreeze and it wasn't the flavor I asked for, but.... It sure put a smile on my face ;)

new task #108: Go one week or longer without driving a car.

Of course I probably wont officially start this till the summer, but I rode my dad's bike pretty far on saturday. I like it. And you know what, the price of gas has just taken all the joy out of driving. For some reason, I think I would feel less stressed if I walked and rode a bike more often. You know, it sort of gives an "I am my own master" feel. I do need to get a new bike though. Like one of those skinny wheeled ones. I don't know what it is but they seem to get a lot of speed. Here I am, slaving away on my bike, and all these skinny wheeled people pass me by, moving their legs half as much. What's the deal, eh?

Operation Deep Sea Diving update

Mama is doing well! Of course things aren't as relaxed as I'd like since school is ending and I'm becoming more frantic. But we are all much better.

My new favorite role model is miss Jada Pinkett Smith. She is sexy in every sense of the word. And she sure is sassy. I love it. The perfect Smith family was on Oprah a few days ago and with every prophetic, witty word Jada and Will said, I honestly fell in love.

And as I watched her I realized she reminds me of my mother . . . like a lot. Funny

Like the Back of my Hand

MaMo's Truth: You think you know yourself. Then a challenge comes. You think you know yourself. Then you fall in love. You think you know yourself. Then you get what you want. Eventually you'll realize you don't know yourself at all.

Operation Speak-a-lot: My graduation speech is coming along well. My coach and parents are very helpful. My coach says I have a problem with adding little things when I actually deliver it though... Is that a problem? Sometimes in the moment I add some spice, ya know? Buuuuuut I guess it doesn't work. I understand the risk in ad libbing. I do say silly things.

And of course when I actually give it in front of all my peers and their families, I may have no mental stability to intelligently ad lib anyway sooooooo... getting it down word for word may be a smart idea.

I used to think I was a good speaker. Then in an actual competition, when so much confidence had been shared, I placed 9th. Out of 12 people. It was an eye-opening experience. I felt like one of those American Idol auditioners who had been told all their life that they could sing, but then they open their mouth and you wonder if it's all a joke.

I am an American Idol Joke.

I used to think I was a peppy person that went all out and could conquer daunting tasks to the finish, with a smile. But as graduation nears, it gets less and less exciting and more and more dreadfully stressful. Here I am, feeling unprepared for the next day, losing passion, spacing homework assignments, and constantly imagining dropping out or whether I should care if my GPA hits an all time low.

This is bad. Very very bad. Malo.

I used to think a lot about myself. I could make a whole list of things I thought I knew about myself.

But now I don't think that part of my education will ever end.

Diving in the Sea Deeply

Question: What am I harboring?

And what's deeper in the ocean?

New Random Task: Operation Deep Sea Diving (focusing on mom)

A dear friend and neighbor of mine gave a talk that made me think. She talked about how we're all harbors. We harbor regret, grief, anger. All these boats cover the ocean where deeper wonders and truth reside, unexplored and hidden.

Pretty darn insightful huh?

That day, father got the family together and we all resolved to relieve mom of her 'boats' or go 'deep see diving' because she's been feeling pretty low. So part of my energy is going towards making her happy, giving her attention, and trying to understand what she needs. I think that will be a new phrase of mine. "Deeps Sea Diving" in relation to people.

on A different NOTE!!! (tehe...that was a pun)

CHECK! Task #9 (5/10/10)

Go to a Paramore concert: Betty, my sister, and I all went to see Paramore

on monday and it was a blast! The E Center is pretty cool. My kind daddy gave us some green for snacks. I'm so spoiled. Fun and Relient K were the opening bands and they were even good. AH! I just love Hayley Williams. I'm so proud

of her...and extremely jealous at the same time to the point where I want to inhabit her body and live her life...just for a little while.

Is that weird? ... yea I guess it is.

Wishing . . .

random thought: When did we start throwing money into fountains to attain our wishes? Whoever thought that would work!? And how many of us believed them!?!? I guess the concept of faith and hope is dead...Wishes being BOUGHT... hogwash. I find that quite contrary to common values. That's like saying, 'Kid, it doesn't matter how much you wish for it. If you ain't got the money, it ain't happnin.'

I am now entering the most anticipated experience of my senior year of high school career.

SENIOR WISHES!!!

So far I have not been told that there is a limit to how many wishes you can make, tehe! soooooo

I want dis:

Smoothie Quartet Delivery -- a peach pleasure smoothie delivered by a quartet of men from choir while they sing a little ditty.

Sing song with Jazz Band -- just for fun. Possibly "Summertime" (and singing with my talented friend Haley might be cool)

LONG LUNCH

Speak over Intercom -- Calling people down, checking them out, making announcements in various voices

The sad thing is that each wish costs at least $1 in addition to whatever it would cost to complete the wish. The saddest thing is that I'm willing to do that.

So in the future, I won't necessarily be completing much other than graduation preparation, but you will hear of the magical tasks of others completeing dreams. Plan to hear about wishes coming true and all that jazz!

Truth, Thoughts, and Dreams

MaMo's Truths: Life is humorous . . . and stubborn.

Random Thought: At heart, I feel like an Alice. But I fear I'm becoming more and more like Mr. Rabbit... And that's no way to live.

So Operation Speak-a-lot is in full swing. I'll be speaking at graduation! Hot dog. AND it gets better. I'll actually have some coaching by my talented and cherry choir teacher. I never thought I'd have a coach in anything. I figured sports weren't forme because of the commitment and physical discipline required that I shy away from . . . huh. Lemme try saying this: "Hey Coach!"

Weird.

But cool!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

This isn't necessarily a task, but a dream of mine: I want to have a huge music bash at my wedding. Or--probably an earlier date--my 24th birthday (Leap Year!). A mix of my favorite songs, and then live performances from various friends. I can already anticipate connecting with current high school buddies later.

Is that weird? I honestly look at some of my peers and I think, "I would love to call you up later in my life and work with you or request your services." I just hope I'll have the resources and the power to connect with these amazing people later in my life.

The hare didn't need to win anyway

Is it really that lame if, as the finish line comes in view, you just want to give up on the race and take a nap under a tree instead?

I mean C'mon, the hare was tired! He'd been running and hopping around the whole time, you can't blame him for taking a nap. His body needed it, gosh dangit. He could have DIED if he hadn't rested. Let's just give the hunk-of-metal trophy to the darn tortoise Let's over look all the hard work and exertion the hare put forth. It's all cancelled out because he took a rest.

Do you see the injustice? Honestly, which one of you is a tortoise anyway? None of us can relate to the tortoise. We are all mostly hares.

I'm gonna rewrite that story.

By the way, this has no relation to the fact that I'm a senior in high school and want to drop out of 90% of my classes. It also has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that graduation approaches and I haven't spent time with friends, and more importantly family. And the fact that I've been low on joy and energy for the past three weeks and wonder if it would be a sin to learn how to conveniently faint on command is also irrelevant and unrelated to anything I've said.

So a New Random Task may be speaking to a large group of people about something other than religion. It all depends on whether I get selected as a graduation speaker or not... but it would be cool if I did, huh! I'll call it Operation Speak-a-lot. I should know by Thursday.

Sigh... yeeeeaaa if I could just skip ahead to graduation, I wouldn't feel like I missed a thing. I'm ready to be done. Sorry this isn't the sunshiny entry I usually post. I guess it's turned kinda dark and sarcastic. My thoughts are just...oh that poor hare! I swear, I will rewrite that story. I'm serious as a heart attack.

NEW RANDOM TASK: for the greatest cause...

Operation Rewrite: to rectify the hare