Old Maid Scraping By

Random Thought: I bet at one point in their lives, old maids who hide in their house were once quite social. I'm sure, deep deep in their past, they were the life of the party, the town friend, "everybodyknowser." Maybe all that pressure and excitement tired her out. And then maybe she had to get ready to move - just a block away. And maybe she tried to be a part of both worlds, the old and the new. And perhaps she couldn't see the bridge between the two. Maybe, perhaps, that's when she lost it. Maybe one day she suddenly felt confused about her priorities, capabilities, and responsibilities. Maybe she just felt like she needed to be home for a bit. That was her safe place. And then maybe when it was finally time to move, she didn't want to. Even when the doorbell or the phone rang, she just didn't want to. Don't ask me how I know this.

I just know it's true.

So yea, it's been a while since my last post and I haven't even looked at my list. It's a humorous tragedy that sometimes we get so caught up in the perceived "have tos" in life that we forget to live.

I've become a college student. And so begins the knowledge of "scraping by" and not just with money or food. I'm honestly going by on a whim. Nothing feels secure at the moment. You see, part of the deal is that I became overwhelmed with the choices of housing and financial aid... so I didn't do anything.

Let me spell that out: S...T...U...P...I...D

So now I missed out on the cheapest housing available because I didn't look in the right place even though it was presented to me. But hey, financially, I may survive... What worries me is the "may." Awh, I hate what money does to us. It's gotten me all frightened. On top of all the homework, forgetting projects, and the slip of social life, I truly have learned a few lessons.

College Knowledge

1. know your options

2. Meet people. Everyone. Everywhere.

3. Don't get so caught up on the little things that you forget about the biguns.

4. Your teachers can be cool. And if they aren't, just act like they are.

5. Unless you lock yourself away and ignore all sound, there's no way you'll get things done at home. On campus is really the best place.

6. Who said you can't have bag lunches in college? It may be nerdy but nerds are smart $$$$

7. And unless you really cling, unless you give your life to keep it alive... high school dies. Fast and easy.

But is there anything you get to keep? What would I pay to hold on to...

Driving Sexy Wishes...on the Sea?

"Your senior wish has been granted! :)"

So I'm in class and a Student Council student comes in and whispers to the teacher. I know it's coming. I turn and see my prom date peeking in the door window. Permission is granted and suddenly, four singing guys burst into the room and surround my desk. They make indian "odlodlodl" sounds (I don't know how else to spell it). And they sing a little ditty!!! Sure the smoothie they delivered took three hours to unfreeze and it wasn't the flavor I asked for, but.... It sure put a smile on my face ;)

new task #108: Go one week or longer without driving a car.

Of course I probably wont officially start this till the summer, but I rode my dad's bike pretty far on saturday. I like it. And you know what, the price of gas has just taken all the joy out of driving. For some reason, I think I would feel less stressed if I walked and rode a bike more often. You know, it sort of gives an "I am my own master" feel. I do need to get a new bike though. Like one of those skinny wheeled ones. I don't know what it is but they seem to get a lot of speed. Here I am, slaving away on my bike, and all these skinny wheeled people pass me by, moving their legs half as much. What's the deal, eh?

Operation Deep Sea Diving update

Mama is doing well! Of course things aren't as relaxed as I'd like since school is ending and I'm becoming more frantic. But we are all much better.

My new favorite role model is miss Jada Pinkett Smith. She is sexy in every sense of the word. And she sure is sassy. I love it. The perfect Smith family was on Oprah a few days ago and with every prophetic, witty word Jada and Will said, I honestly fell in love.

And as I watched her I realized she reminds me of my mother . . . like a lot. Funny

Like the Back of my Hand

MaMo's Truth: You think you know yourself. Then a challenge comes. You think you know yourself. Then you fall in love. You think you know yourself. Then you get what you want. Eventually you'll realize you don't know yourself at all.

Operation Speak-a-lot: My graduation speech is coming along well. My coach and parents are very helpful. My coach says I have a problem with adding little things when I actually deliver it though... Is that a problem? Sometimes in the moment I add some spice, ya know? Buuuuuut I guess it doesn't work. I understand the risk in ad libbing. I do say silly things.

And of course when I actually give it in front of all my peers and their families, I may have no mental stability to intelligently ad lib anyway sooooooo... getting it down word for word may be a smart idea.

I used to think I was a good speaker. Then in an actual competition, when so much confidence had been shared, I placed 9th. Out of 12 people. It was an eye-opening experience. I felt like one of those American Idol auditioners who had been told all their life that they could sing, but then they open their mouth and you wonder if it's all a joke.

I am an American Idol Joke.

I used to think I was a peppy person that went all out and could conquer daunting tasks to the finish, with a smile. But as graduation nears, it gets less and less exciting and more and more dreadfully stressful. Here I am, feeling unprepared for the next day, losing passion, spacing homework assignments, and constantly imagining dropping out or whether I should care if my GPA hits an all time low.

This is bad. Very very bad. Malo.

I used to think a lot about myself. I could make a whole list of things I thought I knew about myself.

But now I don't think that part of my education will ever end.

Diving in the Sea Deeply

Question: What am I harboring?

And what's deeper in the ocean?

New Random Task: Operation Deep Sea Diving (focusing on mom)

A dear friend and neighbor of mine gave a talk that made me think. She talked about how we're all harbors. We harbor regret, grief, anger. All these boats cover the ocean where deeper wonders and truth reside, unexplored and hidden.

Pretty darn insightful huh?

That day, father got the family together and we all resolved to relieve mom of her 'boats' or go 'deep see diving' because she's been feeling pretty low. So part of my energy is going towards making her happy, giving her attention, and trying to understand what she needs. I think that will be a new phrase of mine. "Deeps Sea Diving" in relation to people.

on A different NOTE!!! (tehe...that was a pun)

CHECK! Task #9 (5/10/10)

Go to a Paramore concert: Betty, my sister, and I all went to see Paramore

on monday and it was a blast! The E Center is pretty cool. My kind daddy gave us some green for snacks. I'm so spoiled. Fun and Relient K were the opening bands and they were even good. AH! I just love Hayley Williams. I'm so proud

of her...and extremely jealous at the same time to the point where I want to inhabit her body and live her life...just for a little while.

Is that weird? ... yea I guess it is.

Wishing . . .

random thought: When did we start throwing money into fountains to attain our wishes? Whoever thought that would work!? And how many of us believed them!?!? I guess the concept of faith and hope is dead...Wishes being BOUGHT... hogwash. I find that quite contrary to common values. That's like saying, 'Kid, it doesn't matter how much you wish for it. If you ain't got the money, it ain't happnin.'

I am now entering the most anticipated experience of my senior year of high school career.

SENIOR WISHES!!!

So far I have not been told that there is a limit to how many wishes you can make, tehe! soooooo

I want dis:

Smoothie Quartet Delivery -- a peach pleasure smoothie delivered by a quartet of men from choir while they sing a little ditty.

Sing song with Jazz Band -- just for fun. Possibly "Summertime" (and singing with my talented friend Haley might be cool)

LONG LUNCH

Speak over Intercom -- Calling people down, checking them out, making announcements in various voices

The sad thing is that each wish costs at least $1 in addition to whatever it would cost to complete the wish. The saddest thing is that I'm willing to do that.

So in the future, I won't necessarily be completing much other than graduation preparation, but you will hear of the magical tasks of others completeing dreams. Plan to hear about wishes coming true and all that jazz!

Truth, Thoughts, and Dreams

MaMo's Truths: Life is humorous . . . and stubborn.

Random Thought: At heart, I feel like an Alice. But I fear I'm becoming more and more like Mr. Rabbit... And that's no way to live.

So Operation Speak-a-lot is in full swing. I'll be speaking at graduation! Hot dog. AND it gets better. I'll actually have some coaching by my talented and cherry choir teacher. I never thought I'd have a coach in anything. I figured sports weren't forme because of the commitment and physical discipline required that I shy away from . . . huh. Lemme try saying this: "Hey Coach!"

Weird.

But cool!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

This isn't necessarily a task, but a dream of mine: I want to have a huge music bash at my wedding. Or--probably an earlier date--my 24th birthday (Leap Year!). A mix of my favorite songs, and then live performances from various friends. I can already anticipate connecting with current high school buddies later.

Is that weird? I honestly look at some of my peers and I think, "I would love to call you up later in my life and work with you or request your services." I just hope I'll have the resources and the power to connect with these amazing people later in my life.

The hare didn't need to win anyway

Is it really that lame if, as the finish line comes in view, you just want to give up on the race and take a nap under a tree instead?

I mean C'mon, the hare was tired! He'd been running and hopping around the whole time, you can't blame him for taking a nap. His body needed it, gosh dangit. He could have DIED if he hadn't rested. Let's just give the hunk-of-metal trophy to the darn tortoise Let's over look all the hard work and exertion the hare put forth. It's all cancelled out because he took a rest.

Do you see the injustice? Honestly, which one of you is a tortoise anyway? None of us can relate to the tortoise. We are all mostly hares.

I'm gonna rewrite that story.

By the way, this has no relation to the fact that I'm a senior in high school and want to drop out of 90% of my classes. It also has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that graduation approaches and I haven't spent time with friends, and more importantly family. And the fact that I've been low on joy and energy for the past three weeks and wonder if it would be a sin to learn how to conveniently faint on command is also irrelevant and unrelated to anything I've said.

So a New Random Task may be speaking to a large group of people about something other than religion. It all depends on whether I get selected as a graduation speaker or not... but it would be cool if I did, huh! I'll call it Operation Speak-a-lot. I should know by Thursday.

Sigh... yeeeeaaa if I could just skip ahead to graduation, I wouldn't feel like I missed a thing. I'm ready to be done. Sorry this isn't the sunshiny entry I usually post. I guess it's turned kinda dark and sarcastic. My thoughts are just...oh that poor hare! I swear, I will rewrite that story. I'm serious as a heart attack.

NEW RANDOM TASK: for the greatest cause...

Operation Rewrite: to rectify the hare

Dreaming while accomplishing the Mandatory

Sooooo... (cough). Remember when I said I should accomplish two or three tasks before I add another task on THE LIST???

weeeeell...

New Task!

Well I'm not sure if its a task or just a new dream of mine. But anyway, if I do end up being successful and happy in the journalism field, I would love to do a documentary on the Falun Gong (persecution in China--although I hope it won't live that long), depression, and go undercover. I guess I really don't even need to be a professional journalist in order to do these. I realized "make a documentary" is actually #77. However, "go undercover" is not on the list.

So for #107, I add: Go undercover.

I'm sorry it's taking me so long to do another task. I really am exhaustingly busy accomplishing stuff, it's just not the stuff I want to be accomplishing. You know, the Mandatory. The Mandatory is so particular these days, it won't allow time for much else. Yea, it is partly due to my time management (or lack thereof) but only 50% my fault... maybe 45%. But it could be 100%. I have realized this:

MaMo's Truths: The man who masters time, masters the world.

MaMo's Truths: The richest man is not the man who manages money, but manages time.

(If you haven't caught on, I hope you realize "THE LIST" has it's own sound effect; hence the uppercase and color. Imagine a jazzy burst of excitement like in those spy movies every time you see "THE LIST". There's a pause before it too to add effect. Maybe I'll add hyphens on either side. Oh! And read and say it with more intensity. Its really dramatic.)

We'll I'm off-

Mandatory MaMo

Still inching towards fruition

MaMo's Truths: We give the future too much power. All the power lies within the present.

This is one of the points I make in a speech I'm writing for graduation. I haven't been officially selected but I realize now that I would like to become an expert in speaking and using my voice. A modern day Orpheus. So on THE LIST, I add #106: become a public speaker.

You know... I'm beginning to worry that this list will just continue to grow and never reach fruition. I should really stop adding to it... Or at least I need to accomplish two or three before I add another... yeeeeaa.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Okay so I'm watching "The Buried Life" (my new favorite show) and I thought, "Who is the camera guy filming this stuff?... Or girl?" Same thing with Bear Gylls and "Wild Man". How is the camera following all this stuff?

Just sayin.

People need to stop inspiring me...

MaMo's Truths: Inspiration is a tiring thing,

but at least it keeps you moving forward.

So I was watching Oprah the other day (someday I'll meet that woman) and these four guys were on. Ben, Duncan, Dave, and Jonnie from Canada. Turns out these guys made a LIST just like me. Unlike me, they have fully committed themselves to completing it to the point where they have a TV show recording it!

I--AM--SO--JEALOUS

But after the jealousy came attraction (because they're sexy) and admiration. I want to do exactly what they're doing! I don't care if it's on TV or not, but I love the idea of devoting yourself to a cause and, with a group of friends, traveling to get it done. What REALLY impressed me was how they also take the time to help others with their LISTS. They helped a woman conquer her fear of heights. They raised money and took another to see her

mother's grave site for the first time. They reunited an artist with a son he hadn't seen in 17 years. It's incredible.

And so (ironically) to the bottom of MY LIST, I'm adding: create a LIST with friends and complete it together for a summer, while helping others with theirs.(I believe this would be #106?)

I may end up doing this for multiple summers, but this is just a start. I really, really, really, really think that would be the funnest thing EVER! I finished the program with a pounding heart, racing mind, and inspired spirit--AGAIN.

I don't know what it is, but if I had a penny for every time I was inspired by something, I might me rich!...

well, I guess considering that we're talking pennies here I may only be four dollars richer... barely enough to buy me some gas... Anyway my point is, I'm beginning to loose track of what things I've been inspired to do. I can be quite tiring. I always find myself thinking:

"Oh, I want to do that!" OR "Ooo I could do that!"

"Wow. I need to to that." OR "That's incredible! I should do that!"

So... I tend to dream bigger and bigger and my plans for life expand...but I guess its better than nuttin.

~MaMo~

P.S. if I don't have this on my list already, I'm adding it now (107): Have a special family activity with the Tins.

Update on Operation Bud:

Serious progress. Penny is doing much better and the future looks promisingly sunny :)

"Girl, don't get me started!"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

So one of my pet peeves is when I want to take a picture of or with a friend and they cover their face, turn away, or say, "No, don't! I look disgusting!" I mean, I would understand if they truly did look disgusting or they were dying, but they generally aren't in that

state. They look fine! Still, they act like the picture will steal their soul.

This I hate. I mean c'mon, it isn't about YOU. This is about ME. I want to keep and record a memory, because you make me happy. For the love, you are my friend! (sorry, that wasn't necessarily directed to you, I was just... replaying my thoughts towards the other guy. I apologize for yelling at you, it's just when i 'get started'...tehe)

So anyway, I'm not sure how well this connects to the rest of my post. I actually intend to head in a positive, uplifting direction... well that's randomidity for ye.

Anyway, so I was looking back on THE LIST and it turns out that quite a few of them are photography or artistically themed.

2. Be a freelance photographer and photograph a family, wedding, and graduation pictures

4. Sell a photograph for at least $50

6. Make a book of at least 25 of my own quotes

13. Make a photo book of really abstract art

14. Decorate my home with original art

17. Teach a photo lesson

18. Create a large painting

52. Take photos in San Francisco

61. Finish one of my songs completely!

68. Own an SLR camera

69. Have my own dark room

101. Master Photoshop

102. Take a photo that needs no Photoshop whatsoever

Oh and by the way.......

CHECK! 3/29/2010

#20: Make something out of wood, metal, or other 3D material.

I finished my family tree Ithaca illustration...thingy--I mean, masterpiece. It's pretty abstract and a bit messy, but I'm proud :)

I understand that my numbering is a tad skiwampus and some of you may be frustrated that I don't just get it over with and post the whole darn list for you to see. Here is my reply: To be quite honest, some of them aren't that interesting and the rest are embarrassing or personal, so... embrace the system. Besides, I just don't feel like typing it.

Okay, so the point of everything is... well, let me share one more pre-point.

Long, Long ago, I was a wee little sophomore and I had--still have--this amazing senior role model. We'll call her Terry. Terry 'got me started' ;) I wanted to be just like her. She treated her life with the utmost respect and passion. She had her struggles, but remained strong. She was junoesque, creative, sweet, well dressed, sincere, hard working, spiritual, a great example and sister, I mean this girl popped out of an angel cake or something. Two years later, I am a senior and wondering if I'm becoming the kind of woman Terry inspired me to be, and I find her blog! Even through an insidious computer screen, she still inspires me. On her blog she shares her experiences, her work, and it still seems like people are drawn to her--even through the--blogworld?

My thoughts have started to say: You can do that too! See what good she's doing? Why don't you publish your work? Why don't you study this out? (meaning my artistic interests). Look, enthusiasm is in everything she does.

And this came at a time when senior year is ending and I sorta feel like I'm dying inside, if you get what I mean. I just don't want do do anything anymore.

So (here's the point I've been getting to) I've decided I may create a second blog or website dedicated to my more...uh...haha, sophisticated side ;) Simply Art. I live by the stuff. It would be a contrasting, yet complimentary blog to this one. A Yin and Yang sort of deal. My only issue is that... well to be quite honest, the internet kinda scares me. I can just see someone stealing my work off the web or something. I actually shy away from putting things on the web, sooooooo... I may make it a bit exclusive, but I'll be sure to let you in on a bit of it.

Yes I took that picture and put it out there...just to 'get started'.

baby steps....

HAPPY DANCE~ ! # $`*)& ^( @ += % + < ;'

Well, it's been a while since I looked at THE LIST so...I just did.
Lotsa stuff... I thought I'd share with you some, just so you know. I'm currently doing Task #20: Make something out of wood, metal, or other 3D material. For my mythology class we have to aesthetically present a poem about our Ithaca so I'm creating a family tree out of hangers. Yea, it's pretty cool. I'll put a picture up once it's done.

Anyway, here are some other tasks to look forward to in the future:

3. Study Abroad
8. Travel to South America or Spain
19. Invent a meal/dish... that actually tastes really good
21. Adopt or foster a child
22. Read to a child in the hospital
23. Dance with an old man
28. Memorize "We Didn't Start the Fire"
32. Go on a cruise
37. Peace Corp
44. Write a play
47. Meet Oprah or Ellen
52. Experience San Francisco and take photos
53. Get lessons on how to scream like a rocker
54. Read my mom's diaries... that'll have to wait a long while
62. Write at least 7 of my own lullabies for my children
64. Successfully tutor a child so they understand material and are confident

Random task: Study Celtic Mythology

The bolded ones are tasks that my happen in the near future.

OH! Here's another wonderful, exciting, splendidly jovial new random task: Live in New York (anywhere east) and seek out family history (that's my Ithaca). And it's not totally impossible either. I already have living arrangements worked out.

HAPPY DANCE ~ ! # $ ` * ) & ^ ( @ = % + < ; '

What, you didn't hear the music? Then you're not a believer.

Joy is abounding,
And I MaMo, of the passionate heart, close mine epistle

Random Thought: Gorgeous Men

I think some men are gorgeous just to taunt me.

That is all.

Happy Days Are Here Again

Random Task
Operation Hugless: CHECK! 3/14/10

March 13
Day Six: Today wasn't too difficult. I didn't go to school, but it was my sister's birthday. Yes, I gave her a hug. But other than that, no temptations.

March 14
Day Seven: Today was the least tempting day, oddly enough (Sunday). No hugs offered, no hugs given. I was sort of to myself. But never again... I can now end what has been one of the most unintelligent things I've ever done. I thought I would have to suffer another day, but for the first time, my faults in counting bring me exuberant joy. If you see me in the halls hugging every other person I see, you know why.

Suffering (continued)

Update on OPERATION HUGLESS

March 10
Day Three: So, I kind of don't know what do to when a person insists on hugging me even after I tell them the situation. I feel like a jerk not hugging them back and acting like a wooden board, but I do anyway for the sake of the cause... Whatever the cause is. I feel like I should have done something that I could actually gain from. Like only eating from one food group. Ugh! Now I think about it. Well perhaps that can be the next one.

March 11
Day Four: When this is over, I'll owe a lot of people multiple hugs withheld from each day. This honestly has been more difficult than going without sugar or food. And being teased with open, outstretched arms does not help. I've never wanted to give up on something so badly. And it's only been four days.

March 12
Day Five: I'm losing it. I really should just make it easier and cut myself off from people all together. I hung out with friends and almost gave in to the hugging instinct four times. Maybe this would be better if I took on a different mindset, gave myself a purpose. It takes too much energy to explain that it's for an article and people give me a confused look. It should be simple, but it's not. Maybe I should just tell people I'm ill and it's contagious. Or perhaps I can say I'm studying the effect little or no touch has on a person.

Hugless

New Random Task

Operation Hugless: for the school newspaper I write for, we have a column called 7 Days of Suffering. I've always wanted to do it and never have. My fault is I try to find a convenient time to go without something-sort of against the point. So this time I volunteered and plunged into suffering before I could think about how inconvenient it would be.

The task came out to be: no hugs... little friendly contact at all really, but especially no hugs.

You may laugh, but this truly is suffering for me and probably for you too. I honestly think if a person went long enough without friendly touch, they would dive into depression or their whole aura would change. Someone should study that...

Anyway, so here are the first few days:

March 8
DAY ONE: I hate this. I feel so rude when a comrade approaches, arms open wide, and I have to push them away saying, "No hugs." I was doing pretty well until I was talking with my friend after lunch. I was happy, in a good mood, feeling pleasant--I mean c'mon. I was filled with food. And she had kindly shared her rice and orange chicken with me, one of my favorites. Finally, we had to part and head to class. Five long seconds. I didn't realize I was hugging her that whole time. Can you believe it? That's a really long time. Go ahead, count it out. It's like placing your hand on the burner for five seconds. I didn't notice a thing. Finally another friend decided add another layer to the cake and encircle us both. Then I realized my forgetfulness. "Oh, no!" I practically screamed and my friend did too when she realized she had half-caused my downfall. Strike one.

March 9
DAY TWO: At the end of the day, you've survived, you part from school and your friends, and you head off to prepare for the next one. What I'm trying to say is, the end of school is when I usually receive and give the most hugs to thank them for being a part of my day. So today, after school I had to turn down six hugs within a time span of five minutes. It was agonizing, I hit myself every time. Especially when I hadn't seen my friend in five days and an attractive guy had come to visit. I did have another strike, though. I went to see a musical and a guy friend of mine did an incredible job in it. I call him Prince Charming, so you can guess that when I saw him, all thought of restraint had fled.

Once in a Lifetime--That's it.

So... I was looking at THE LIST for which number "participate in a food fight" was and I couldn't find it. I was sure I had written that down. But I guess it was such an obvious desire that I forgot. So I'm just going to tag it at the bottom of the list.

Task # 104: Participate in food fight.
CHECK! 2/26/10: So my school held an official food fight. Boys against girls. Surprisingly, there were more girls who participated, so we won. Betty did it with me and it was fun--in the moment. We both teamed up and attacked another friend with mashed potatoes... and then it ended fairly quickly and I got a whiff of myself. I felt like I would throw up. As I had time to let the mustard soaked pants and food encrusted shirt cling to my skin, my giddy grin twisted into a disgusted frown. They could have had a food fight with lighter, yummy food like whipped cream, pies, ice cream, vanilla pudding...sweets. But of course the school would not provide such delicacies--a fact I should have thought through before. Instead, the provided mashed potatoes, ketchup, mustard, chocolate and vanilla pudding (actually a rancid smell mixed with everything else), noodles, ratatouille leftovers from the foods class, and...green stuff.

So I stood in my soiled clothing for a few minutes contemplating how I was going to get home and wondering how I could escape the stench. Betty and I waddled to my car, got our clothes, and headed for the girls locker room.

So...yeeeeaaa I'm not saying I'd turn down giving a pie in the face, I wouldn't even turn down getting one, but once in a lifetime is good for me as far as food fights go. Unless the food mixes well together--but I guess that's against the point of a food fight.

This picture does not represent my thoughts in any way...

Thought Should Have Won...

MaMo's Truths: Explore all your options

Be careful when having to deal with both excitement and thought. Some cases require excitement to win. Other cases require thought to win. This situation called for the latter:

Task #9 (go to a Paramore concert) will be checked off on May 10th!!! I freaked out when I heard they were coming. In my excitement and rush to get tickets, I did not explore my purchasing options and so I ended up paying 15 dollars more than I needed to. Even worse, I paid for two other people's tickets., and since I cannot bring myself to have them pay for my mistake (literally), I'll be paying $66 of my own money for a concert that should have costed $27.

Tehe.

Lesson well learned.

Another general example of making sure thought is not overpowered by excitement is this:
I love learning, life, and it's experiences. And so I tried to cram all these wonderful experiences in this itty-bitty senior year. Yeeeeeaaaa.... Shoulda thought about that. You see wonderful experiences require energy and attention. If not, it may not turn out so wonderful. They also come with responsibilities. You may think it's only about you, but I promise, in EVERYTHING there is a hidden responsibility somewhere. I now realize I have not given the proper amount of energy or attention to anything. Instead I sprinkled a little here, a little there...I don't like that! I also feel kind of trapped because once you dive into it, your responsibilities leap out and joyfully confront you.

What do you do?

Stick it out, and pocket it as a lesson learned and never to be repeated? ...or do you abandon ship?

I Am Not a Scale

So Operation Bud is still in progress... well I hope it's progress. At least with Penny.

Unfortunately things are on a slight downturn with Patty. I'm spreading myself pretty thin here I think. I personally think I make a pretty good pal, but I'm not perfect. I thought that was obvious, but perfection is expected of me anyway. But you see, I can't hang out or sleepover every time I'm invited, I don't stop and give a run down of my life story whenever I see someone, and I value family and personal time. And it's not that I keep secrets, I just don't open my mouth and tell all when I don't think it's important. And when I suddenly get close to someone, naturally, I'll give them more attention (which does NOT mean I care less about another: I am not a scale. More love given to another does not take away from love already given. Honestly, I think my capacity to love is underestimated by many. This probably makes no sense at all to you.

Sigh... Sorry if that sounded a bit snooty.

Well, anyway: bottom line is it's become evident that Task #73 will be a lifelong pursuit, requiring much work, attention, and upkeep throughout the years. So don't look for a "CHECK" anytime soon. It won't come till... well I guess another 30 years. Don't worry, once I feel Penny's okay, I'll start up on other tasks. I won't wait till this one's completed.

I'm off to accomplish...I guess:)~

MaMo

Operation Bud

MaMo's Truths: Half the definition of love is pain.

Alright, so the official LIST is on hold for a bit.

You see in order to accomplish Task #73, I need to take care of a sudden random task first. Task #73 is: remain friends with Penny, Wendy, Patty, Kitty and Betty (names have been changed) to the extent where my children call them aunts. I want to keep them in my life. I mean, really I'd like to keep all my friends and acquaintances in my life, but I'm pretty close with these five and we've been through too much to break up after high school and never talk to each other. So:

New Random Task--Operation Bud
hm...I like that...I think I'll go back and name the other Random Tasks. Anyway, so Operation Bud is to talk sense into Penny so she doesn't make--continue to make the biggest mistake of her life. I don't know how long it will take, but that's certainly where my attention is for now.